Its like one of those cheap ass paperback novels you get on the local bus stands.Twists and turns are so abundant that reality seems lost with the sunset.
No matter how hard I seem to forget it,it follows me everywhere I go.Sleeping,Eating,Walking in the mall thinking of the new record on sale and BAM!! vision of the shattering helmet and the screeching of the wheels."no no NO!!! Fuck dude you always fall in for this shit again and again!! He is playing games with you!! Just fucking buy the record and fucking get a life" Seems a rational thought for a second.But just a second.
Next moving on a no wheel stretcher to the operation theater.Four people carrying it."Fuck man stop being a sissy you have been here COUNTLESS TIMES!! Look at her crying for you!! Third time this year you see the red bulb glowing for you brother.They gonna carry you like this soon with some changes of course.A plain white cloth all over you and this stretcher thing will be raised above and their stupid chanting" Shut the fuck up!!!
This all started with nothing and ended at nothing.Misfortunes followed by tragedies.
You take this life.It never is a cup of ice cream or a pink candy or a fucking roller coaster ride.It never is that! It isnt the same for everyone. You get options to choose To be what you want to be.But at times you go so blind with your present source of joy you forget your future is just around the corner with a christmas cake and merry-go-fuckup.
30 July had a rainy day.Rained like hell.My very first head on collision was in the rain too! Bike torn into half and so was I.Still walk with a limp.Next comes Psychologists and car fuck ups and dont know what shit.Everytime I got rolled on the stretch wagon everytime I felt 3 inches closer to death.
Love life was a big flop on the big screen. Life was a dark city with black clouds throwing ice pitchforks like confetti on Devil's Parade.Empty cities with no roadblocks.Flickering night lamps and bug zappers.I was the only pedestrian on the streets with a visiting card saying No one.
Wasting time on social sites trying to ignore the solitude embracing my soul.It had to happen.As those lame ass jerks with nothing in hand say "It is WRITTEN thay you be like this!"
My parent's colleagues went past me staring at the black nail paint and torn jeans.Whispering to each other "My God and this kid topped the school!! His parents must have arranged something for him with the school management.How can a LOSER like this come up so good when all he knows is smoking marijuana and drinking booze 24 x 7!"
Sitting at the school ground corner with your friends and doing stuff wasnt exactly a good way to have fame in the town it seemed.Still I believed i can BE someone i really wanted to be.A guy with green paper a condo and a villa with a Ford GT and a 67' Shelby GT 500
My classmates (the ones who tailed me for answers to mind bogglers) First one says "Dude you know the answer to this question?" Second one to first one "You are asking HIM!!?? Oh my god dont you know he dopes??!!"
So in the next PTA meeting the second kid came with his mother complaining to my class teacher that a kick to the genitals might have killed her only son and how swollen they are and how he manages to sit and eat etc!!
However i always managed to pass with chits and paid helps from the peons and clerks in the school.Money is never a problem if your a pampered single kid and a evil dad who can really beat the crap out of you if you cross that line.
All this and then came the big shock.My mother got transferred somewhere far away.Now I had to study alone manage my stuff alone and laugh and cry alone.
It really hurts when you are used to all that cuddling and caressing by someone and all of a sudden you get a cold bed and a more colder father.I missed her hugs and kisses and pampering.The way she taught me stuff and helped me in my studies.The 96 came to 88.The 88 came to 75 .The 75 came to 60.The best student award trophy covered in dust.
All those 124 cerificates earned in 10 years lost their meaning.The only thing that was left was my sport career in Badminton.That too thanks to my father because he pushed me to get up from the bed in winters and chased me with a racket on the wooden floors of the court IF i ever got my back hand wrong.
Well the chasing part earned me a the 3rd ranked player in North!
Till 18 years of age I had experienced a lot! Beating of Punjab police,Enumerous road accidents,Dad's beatings,Encounters with driving license people,Failed love stories,Broken hearts,Beating from 30 mad drunk sikhs,Travelled to the big cities with friends and saw the so called 'Big City Life',Fun in Old Manali lol!,Flirted with classmates in bars and night clubs,Learnt every possible get away route in Chandigarh if the cops are chasing you,Clicked pics of couples making out in random parks,Read Kama Sutra,saw most of the 'hard world out there',hang out with the most defamed people,got a Reported in police stations for rash driving and creating nuisance in the city,read novels,made a almost invisible band with people from all over the world,hospital visits every weekends,made friendships with the waiters in Down Under (thats a bar in Chandigarh) . hated snooker/pool/billiards, ran away thrice from home.spent nights in haunted forests,worship the devil,performed occults with cousin and nearby friends,slept in graveyards ( no not to feel the flow or worship the devil but there was a police patrol just outside the graveyard),dreamt of true love which seemed so non existent,felt emotions for only a small puppy,hated snooker/pool/billiards,loved bands like 30 Seconds to Mars and My Chemical Romance and Flinch,bunked school for 3 months straight,played loads of video games especially futbol,hated snooker/pool/billiards,planned a bank robbery that never took place because the bank was robbed a week before we thought we will "DO" something,drove to shimla with a blindfold on my eyes almost all the time,got my so fucked up tonsilitis cures (i can eat mangoes and jams and pickles and gol gappe now yay!),nicknamed The Dark Lord(some funny shit eh),read Divine Commedia,broke my arm 8 times and my thumb twice,hated snooker/pool/billiards!!!
rest Ill mention later if you want it or if you are alive
So I guess all in all i had passed that point of "No Returning Back" and sealed my own doors of glory (yes the ones i was supposed to open with my own hands) myself.My father blamed me for being a useless son but my mother never lost hope in me.Maybe thats what kept me going all this time.
Till now i get my childhood dreams.The end always the same.A bullet in my head and it ends me,my dream,my sleep and my peace of mind for the coming week.
I had loads of fun and i had loads of downfalls.Latter always making me learn something.I always learnt by getting caught in the fire and by burning.Everyone or Everything is stupid for me IF I dont experience it myself!
Had loads of changes but changes are so full of lies.I still remain the same chubby kid on his daddy's shoulders viewing his shoulders as my throne and the world around me as my subjects.
Life has taught me many things.Firstly Everything is subjective.
Second nothing is a cliche' when its happening to you. There is no fate no destiny. You choose to Rule and only You can choose to lick dust.
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